“Life goes on”

People typically say this to acknowledge the nature of existence, and the fact of death.

I’ve heard this phrase many times in my life…

From a young age when a childhood friend (whom I had known since preschool) overdosed and passed on…

All the way up until recently, while attending the funeral of a friend’s wife (barely 40 years old).

The phrase is supposed to help with acceptance.

It’s supposed to provide comfort to someone who’s grieving, reminding them that life will continue.

Why do they need this reminder?

Well, because loss has a way of stopping time, a way of keeping someone stuck, wondering “Why?”.

In one moment, everything feels fine—it feels normal—like what they’re used to.

And then in the next, the world shatters into pieces they’re not sure they can ever put back together.

“Why…?”

“Why did this happen to him?” “Why her?”

“She was a good person.”

Being knee-deep in the experience of loss, these seem like reasonable questions.

But let’s like the moment pass and reflect…

What if it’s not “Why?” we should be asking?

Let’s see if we can break this down to a different understanding.

At the very least, to entertain an alternative…

I wonder…

Could it be that our brain just hasn’t been trained on how to effectively process this bundle of thoughts and emotions—this human experience—that we call “Loss”?

The word “Loss” itself is a heavy word, right?

It’s one that we all intuitively understand but hardly feel prepared to face.

Whether it’s the end of a relationship or career, the moving on of a loved one, the downfall of a business, or even just failing to meet a goal… Loss has a way of gripping us, holding us in place, and keeping us stuck from moving forward.

Yet, as heavy as the word is, I want to propose that we don’t have to carry it around with us the way so many do.

Let me explain what I mean…

At its core, loss is just the space between what was and what’s going to be—what could be.

It’s a gap our mind has created in the story it tells itself about what our experience of life is like.

Since the narrative has changed, there’s a restructuring of meaning taking place.

This is why we’re often left feeling stuck, wondering “why?”.

“Why” is our mind’s way of finding meaning.

And why is that so important to us?

It’s because meaning is how the mind makes sense of the world.

We’re meaning-assigning creatures.

It’s a fundamental human characteristic, and it’s what separates us from the rest of the animals.

What happens is we take all the raw data from the sensory input we receive from our environment and we say, “What does this mean to MY experience?”.

Whether you recognize it or not, your mind is ALWAYS doing this—even on unconscious levels.

And so, when we encounter a life experience that we can’t make sense out of, we stop and focus our energy on solving that problem.

…That’s where the gap comes in between what was and what could be.

It’s up to us to make a conscious choice here…

A choice to let go of what was and to walk toward something better, or to remain tethered to the past, unable to move forward.

And letting go doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting…

It means processing and releasing the emotions that come with that—the stagnant energy stored within trying to solve an unsolvable problem.

While this choice may seem difficult, it is here that life extends its greatest opportunity:
The chance to grow.

We Do That by Reframing Loss and Shifting from Lack to Gain.

To process these thoughts and emotions we’ve labeled “loss” and to find meaning and move on in the quickest and most effective way possible, we must first reframe the experience.

Loss isn’t only about what’s not in our life anymore, it’s also about what we gain through the experience of once having it and then not having it anymore.

See, life goes on whether we’re choosing to participate in it or not.

And since we’re a piece of it, by definition, we’re moving on whether we’re ready or not.

It’s up to us where we place our focus: behind us or in front of us.

When we focus on what’s behind us, we can do so momentarily to experience gratitude of what was… but most don’t do that.

Instead, they use their faculties to spark feelings of “less than”, as if something important they possessed was taken from them.

But you and I know, we don’t really possess anything in this life.

Everything is borrowed, so to speak.

If we could reframe that experience and focus on what’s in front of us, to focus on the opportunity Life is presenting us with—growth—we change the narrative and our story becomes one of gain, not lack or denial.

Consider the nature around us we’re so deeply connected to…

When a tree sheds its leaves in the fall season, it isn’t in grief about its loss.

It’s preparing for renewal, preserving energy, and making space for new growth.

Similarly, in our lives, loss is often the precursor to transformation.

If you pay close attention to people who’ve experienced loss over a period of time, you’ve noticed this.

You’ve noticed how they change—whether into more bitter people or more compassionate—you’ve seen that transformation within themselves.

So, the pain we feel isn’t some sign of weakness or something being wrong in the world—it’s the proof of our capacity to love, to care, and to hope for things better that are lined up for us.

Our mind will take care of that pain in due time, but only when we process the underlying emotion that comes with it…

The Invisible Force Behind Loss is Fear.

Fear magnifies all the emotions that come with loss.

It could be the fear of being alone…

The fear of losing more…

Or the fear of never recovering what was lost…

This is what fear does – it tells us that we’re less than what we were before.

It warps our perception and influences our narrative—the meaning we’re conceptualizing.

But this isn’t the story we have to subscribe to.

After all, it’s just a story in our mind, and stories can change because we’re the ones making it up as we go along.

If we can pause and take some time to just observe, we might find that this fear stems from an illusion of separation.

Much like the cells in our body, which appear to battle each other but are part of a harmonious whole, our lives are intertwined with cycles of conflict and renewal.

So, Loss doesn’t necessarily have to be the absence of something; it could just as easily be the rearranging of our lives into a new form.

Making a Conscious Decision to Move on and Grow is a Choice.

Putting this into practice and moving on from loss requires a decision.

…Not the kind of decision we make in our heads and don’t do anything about, but a real decision – backed by action.

A real decision is not merely a thought or an intention.

It’s a step in a particular direction.

It’s new behavior aligning with new thought.

It’s the act of saying, “I will do this,” and then going and doing it.

It’s easy to misunderstand this and think that we have to forget or dismiss what came before.

But really it means choosing to carry its lessons with us while leaving behind the weight of the experience itself.

Since life goes on regardless, we’re always deciding something.

Whether we do it consciously or not, that part is up to us.

If we choose to step forward intentionally, we reclaim our power and position ourselves better to create our future.

Our Opportunity is in Redefining Our Identity and Becoming Who We’re Meant to Be.

And what better place to create from?

Loss just striped us down to our essence.

It peeled away the roles, attachments, and identities we thought defined us.

It left us asking the most fundamental question…

“Who am I now?”

As you reflect on this question, consider another perspective.

What if, instead of asking “Who am I now?” you asked, “Who do I want to become now?”

In this shift, loss becomes not an end, but a beginning—a blank slate where you can redefine your purpose, values, and vision for the future.

To move on is not to deny the pain of loss but to allow it to be a stepping stone.

It’s a chance to evolve beyond the limitations of who we were and to embrace the potential of who we can be.

It’s about aligning ourself with the harmony that already exists beneath the surface of our fears.

It’s About Turning Endings into Opportunities and Walking Toward a New Chapter.

Ultimately, loss is a teacher, and moving on is the lesson.

It shows us that we are not bound by what has happened to us but by how we choose to respond.

In every ending lies a beginning, waiting for us to claim it.

So, if you’re in the midst of this experience, take the time you feel you need.

Then, take a moment to reflect and to decide.

Take a step forward, consciously, even if it feels small.

Trust that the gap created by loss is fertile ground for something new.

And remember: You’re not walking away from what you’ve lost—you’re walking towards the person you’re becoming.

It’s the greatest gift you can give to what was, and to what is…

So that if that time ever comes, where you meet again, you can say…

“Because I had you in my life, I blossomed. Thank you…”