There are people that move on fast and get ahead quickly.
Then, there are people who often find themselves stuck, struggling to advance.
The people who seem to be getting on well have developed the habits of accepting circumstances and forgiving easily.
Those that look to be stagnant usually find themselves filled with cravings and have trouble dealing with change.
Most of us fall into both these categories.
Some days we’re indifferent and some days we feel like we’re more in flow.
And, although life seems more harmonious when we feel good, there’s nothing inherently wrong with feeling bad from time to time.
It’s natural.
In fact, there could be valuable insights for us on those “bad” days.
If we think about it, the bad days can be way more advantageous to our growth than the good days.
It’s hard to realize it in the moment, but difficult times challenge us in ways the easy ones don’t.
Therefore, they strengthen us in ways the easy ones won’t.
Not only that, but they also bring us clarity because those tough days provide contrast to help us understand what we want better.
The only time those hard days become a problem is when we begin to identify strictly with the thoughts that make us feel bad.
That’s when we begin to leave the lessons behind and only carry the difficulties forward instead.
As if it’s always going to be “this way”.
Holding on so tightly to these disappointments isn’t productive.
They harm our self-esteem and on subtle levels cause us to think we’re unworthy of our desires.
This is when we begin to get in our own way – one step forward, two steps back.
The behavior is often called “self-sabotage”.
At times we procrastinate, other times we’re impulsive.
Sometimes we’re too confrontational, and sometimes we avoid expressing ourselves altogether.
There are times we obsess, and there are times we give up too easily.
It’s really hard to pin down because in the moment the destructive actions always seem like the reasonable thing to do.
And, although we end up getting ourselves off track, messing up our relationships, or failing in our endeavors, it’s important to realize that this is the brain’s way of protecting us from emotional pain.
We’re doing this as a defense mechanism.
It’s our brain’s way of caring for ourselves.
When it comes to self-sabotage, there isn’t a one-quick-fix approach.
However, there is a practice that can help us deal with it better.
At its root, self-sabotaging behaviors are psychological attachments.
This being the case, we can turn to the Buddhist idea of “non-attachment” to counter it.
Non-attachment is essentially a state of mind where a person moves through life detached to worldly things.
This means things, people, places, and ideas don’t have such a strong hold on the individual that they make bad decisions.
This isn’t to be confused with indifference, inattentiveness, or insensitiveness.
That’s not non-attachment.
Non-attachment is more about letting things come and go from life without trying to hold onto them.
It enables one to have a greater sense of emotional stability, thus allowing better-reasoned decisions.
Ultimately, it’s the path to inner peace.
Progress may come slowly, but the discipline can be practiced daily.
Especially during those difficult days, it can be incredibly revealing.
We all want to have more good days than bad.
And, we all hope to capitalize on those bad days in order to create more good days.
By adopting practices like non-attachment, we increase the likelihood of carrying lessons forward instead of disappointments.
In turn, we make better decisions and increase our self-esteem and sense of worth.
It sounds simple, but the brain needs confirmation: it all starts by making the decision to have more good days.
Then, by progressively dropping those things we’re holding on so tightly to.
The disappointments from yesterday, last week, last month, last year.
Eventually, all the ideas that no longer serve our well-being, our growth.
“Nonresistance, non-judgement, and non-attachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.”
– Eckhart Tolle